Some days the complexity of humanity makes me want to run and hide, or go live in the garden. Some days I just don’t get people – especially the actions and reactions that aren’t nurturing, or caring or appropriate interactions with others. I can get disillusioned and confused by the hurt and hatred expressed. Man’s inhumanity to man. It’s certainly not a new thing, but to quote Kamahl in his famous song ‘why are people so unkind?’ - it is a deep and perplexing question.

I’m starting to understand that the challenges of our modern community models are that we spread our nets so wide. We interact with people whom we may rarely or never personally meet, and it seems to give us licence to offend. Not being in their presence, let’s us off the hook in seeing or hearing their reaction to our words and actions. It’s out of sight, so it seems some feel they can say whatever they want, sometimes very hurtful and hateful things without experiencing real face to face consequences.

In more traditional communities, the immediate and long term effects of our words and actions are more easily seen, giving us a chance to mitigate our interactions, giving us pause because we are standing right there having to deal with the consequences – good or bad. If we had more of these personal and enduring encounters, I think many more of us would choose in a way that makes us as well as the recipient, feel good.

But our world, now as much as ever, is fuelled by fear. Our politicians, our media, our procrastination, our apathy is the diesel in the tank, that sets the pistons combusting and leads us in a direction we take little responsibility for. We hurl down the road, and complain and whine as if we have no choice. We judge and condemn, with our self-entitlement firmly in place, and we feel lack.

When we act or react out of scarcity it diminishes us – makes us skerrick, white washes our self -worth. I recently received an email telling me I had treated someone in such a way as to make him feel small – he actually used the previous phrase ‘ Merelyn made me skerrick, and white washed my self-worth.’ It is an excellent phrase with hard hitting meaning, which is why I quote it. It impacted me.

I don’t actually remember the encounter that made this person feel this way, it was many years ago and perhaps that is the point he is making - I should remember. The incident has obviously festered in him and made him lash out years down the track, bringing judgment and condemnation and a good dose of dismissal with it.

I can’t imagine I hurt him on purpose – but that is no excuse. It is easy to act out from a self-righteous pedestal. Perhaps something I said or did, or didn’t do, triggered a response to pain that lay dormant inside him or added salt to a festering wound. Perhaps I cut him for the first time, and in the years that have followed others have added the salt. Unless I have the chance to work through this with him, it is hard to know, but what is obvious is that our words and actions are important. They matter – often more than we understand at the time.

It deeply troubles me when I know I have hurt someone. It troubles me even more when I find out I have hurt someone long ago and they are still holding onto that hurt. Maybe I can now make it right, maybe I can’t, but what I can do is take moral responsibility for the pain I caused, bringing the need to choose kindness and love forward, giving myself the daily reminder that what we do as humanity matters. The world needs us to be quicker to love and slower to take offence.

If I can step back and act or react out of a thinking place, giving myself a breather of thought, then I can daily, or even moment to moment, choose kindness.

I am not always going to get it right. Clearly I’ve got it wrong many times before, some with long lasting consequences. I need to be constantly vigilant to embrace generosity of spirit. Experience also shows that graciousness may not always be met with acceptance. I cannot do anything about how others perceive my words and actions, but I can decide to live my truth daily, in kindness and with love for others. I’m going to have to be brave, and I accept that I will continue to fail sometimes, but hopefully my heart is what the world will see, and hopefully my heart is up to the challenge.

Be Happy
Merelyn Carter

Merelyn’s writing is supported in part by the sale of her books. Autobiography - ‘The Deepest Part of Me’.  ‘Inspire’ – inspirational reflections for your life’s journey.  ‘Stories behind the Songs’ and her first children’s picture book ‘To The Moon and Back - Grandma’s Rocket Ship Adventure’. To find out more about her work and to support her through the purchase of her writings and music, please go to www.carterandcarter.com.au