Ok so this week I am going to have a bit of a whinge, but before I do I have to confess I am totally guilty of all the things I am going to complain about.

But I am reforming… 

The trouble is, I am cheesed off by people who finish my sentences, assume my thoughts, tell me what I’m feeling and make decisions for me before I’ve had a chance to form my own thoughts.  Often it seems like people are rushing me, talking over me and not letting me finish what I want to say, in the way I want to say it.

Our family have always done it – in a ‘non offensive way’ we talk over each other, talk loud, laugh loud, chatter fast – apparently we’ve all got a lot to say.  Most of the time we don’t know we are doing it, we certainly don’t set out to upset anyone. When daughter Amy married Michael, he came from a quieter family, everyone had their turn speaking – on their own, without the constant interruptions.  After a while he pointed out our ways to me, as we got to know each other better, told me he found it hard, and that he thought it was a bit rude. 

David’s family are louder than mine, three brothers and a sister close in age all growing up together meant that to be heard you had to speak louder than everyone else, and over everyone else.  I found that hard at first but apparently we adopted that little trait in our own nuclear family too.

But as the years have gone on, I have found it harder to take.  Now I’m trying to work out why?

Part of it is because these days, I’m thinking more, talking less, taking more time to answer, and talking slower.  I want to think about it, I want to have my say and I like to be listened to.  The trouble is the world is moving at such a fast pace that it seems my ‘slowing down’ frustrates people and they step in to speed things up – as if it is helping me out, when really it has to be for them, because I am perfectly fine taking my time.

Another part of it is that I think I am not too happy about how fast paced life is.  So many people are rushing around trying to achieve this and that, pushing here and pulling there, often at the detriment of those around them. 

We fill our lives to the brim with things to do, places to be, work to be done, and often the opportunities for meaningful discussions, considerate conversations, quiet contemplations are lost in the rush.  It seems we need to fill every space with something – many of us are not comfortable with silence.

Being an introvert, silence and quiet time is very important to me.  It’s my thinking time, my questioning time, my regeneration.  The fast pace of life weakens me because it zaps my energy and takes away time for me to think about things – big and small.

Yet I still find it hard sometimes to sit and be still.  Often I still find it hard to keep my talk slower, to think about what I say before I say it, the allow myself time to consider alternatives.  Being a writer I am always looking at different words to say things – I need time to think about that, but I don’t always get it, and I find it frustrating and sometimes even overwhelming.

If you feel this way too, we are not alone.  Though I am not entirely sure what can be done about the fast pace of the world, here are some strategies I am employing:

Take a deep breath before I respond to annoying questions – but just ask husband David and he will tell you I need more practice at this one!

Set some time aside each and every day to meditate and still my mind – time away from people and the rush of life.

I try to sit back and listen and watch what is happening in the room, gauge people’s moods and motives, see what the agendas are and then decide if and how I will input into the conversation.

I am more aware of not getting caught up in argumentative conversation where often the arguer just wants to niggle at people and rile them up – just for the sake of it.  This happens more often than you might think and I have learned to recognise it and not contribute – if I haven’t got something constructive to say, I try not to say anything at all.

When someone is trying to push their point on me by telling me what I think or interpreting my words (literally putting words in my mouth) I try to see what is underlying their behaviour – what’s bothering them, and what are they really trying to get at or get me to agree to so that I mirror their own needs and wants.  Ultimately they are making it about them, not me.

All of this is not easy.  It usually is very worthwhile and makes life more peaceful and more interesting, but sometimes I really just want to tell people to rack off! 

Obviously more practice is needed. 

Then there’s the challenge of stopping and listening to myself  - and if I’m honest I have to ask myself the question – whose sentences am I finishing!

Hmmm, food for thought.

Be happy.
Merelyn Carter

---

Merelyn’s writing is supported in part by the sale of her books. Autobiography - ‘The Deepest Part of Me’.  ‘Inspire’ – inspirational reflections for your life’s journey.  ‘Stories behind the Songs’ and her first children’s picture book ‘To The Moon and Back - Grandma’s Rocket Ship Adventure’. To find out more about her work and to support her through the purchase of her writings and music, please go to www.carterandcarter.com.au

HOME