Are you disillusioned with your relationships – personal, business, romantic? Are you constantly frustrated at being let down? Do you feel lonely and unfulfilled by those around you who you had hoped would meet your needs?

Is that perfect romantic relationship still elusive?

If you are looking for a romantic relationship where the notion of ‘you complete me’ is the basis of your desire then you’ve been duped by Hollywood and all the unachievable romantic definitions of life through the ages.

If you are constantly ‘let down’ by your friends and don’t understand why they don’t get you, if you are frustrated to discontent by those you work with and find so many people hard to get along with, or if you are lonely because you can’t find the connections that you are searching for – you are not alone!

All of us feel these things from time to time. We’ve all been conditioned to have very high and often unrealistic expectations of others, and we feel resentful when they let us down.

We live in an age where entitlement runs rife and we believe we deserve all the good things we want, when we want them – which is usually NOW!

In ages past, it seems relationship expectations, particularly of the romantic kind were different. Marriages were often arranged, or at least expected from early connections within the local community. Couples often went into marriage not knowing each other, but expecting to get to know each other, make the relationship work, have a family, care for each other and if they were lucky fall in love.

Business and social relationships were limited and often if we didn’t make them work then we would be disadvantaged in our local community, so it was in our own best interests to make things work or at least respectfully tolerate our differences.

Today we want all the falling in love to happen all of the time. We want wider family relationships to be easy, business connections seamless, social circles to fulfil our needs, and if they are not living up to these expectations, we often walk away. Sometimes we forget that being in love, or acting with love, is a choice, not just a feeling. We have expectations that we will feel good in relationships all of the time and when we don’t we are let down and put out, and it can be easy to justify walking away to find someone better to love and be loved by, better people to work and socialise with.

Sometimes the walking away is definitely necessary, but other times it means we don’t stick around to work through the hard stuff to get to the really good, deep, trusting relationships we all so crave.

Having a partner who is not perfect, means that we have to learn and practice tolerance, patience, understanding, compassion, empathy – all the things we want so badly in return.

Having business relationships that challenge us and don’t let us get away with our nonsense give us the opportunity to work harder, think smarter, act better – to rise above the challenges, keep caring about the other person and together finding the best path forward.

Sticking at a job where the boss is annoyingly different from you and the way you do things, can provide the impetus to understanding, compassion and seeing life from a different perspective.

Challenges are good for us, they help us grow. Walking away just because we can’t be bothered, or we get our nose out of joint and want uphold our own sense of’ being hard-done by’, which bolsters our need for drama, is not good for us. We can so easily keep creating the drama over and over in relationships so we have something to be the victim to.

Constantly acting out the victim role gives us the excuse to walk away and not take the time, effort and determination to be better people.

If we avoid being better people, then the world will become more and more difficult to live in.

We need those ‘non perfect’ people in our lives. We need the difficult relationship moments that allow us to take up the challenge to be better people.

We need a bit of shadow to appreciate the sunshine.

It wouldn’t be good for any of us if we all had perfect relationships all the time, we would take the relationships and the people in them for granted. We could easily forget who we are and what our purpose is. Our purpose is in the journey and the journey must have light and shade, hard and good times, challenges and easy days, nice and not so nice people to walk beside us and especially those who love us and challenge us to be better people so that we can contribute to a better world for all.

We really don’t want the unachievable ’perfect’ relationship. What we want is to see the relationships we have as perfect - perfect for our growth as a person and our journey in this life.

What we might need is a change in perspective to see what is really good for us and what we really need, not just what we think we want.

So the not so perfect relationship just might be perfect after all.

Be happy.
Merelyn Carter

Merelyn’s writing is supported in part by the sale of her books. Autobiography - ‘The Deepest Part of Me’.  ‘Inspire’ – inspirational reflections for your life’s journey.  ‘Stories behind the Songs’ and her first children’s picture book ‘To The Moon and Back - Grandma’s Rocket Ship Adventure’. To find out more about her work and to support her through the purchase of her writings and music, please go to www.carterandcarter.com.au