How can we speak our truth so that others get who we are, and we start getting more of the positive outcomes we desire?

Finding the courage to speak our own truth can be hard sometimes, and often when we do finally get the courage up, we are met with a reaction we didn’t expect – and sometimes don’t like.

Do you struggle with other people’s reactions to you? Do you find confrontation difficult and yet feel like life brings it to your door all too often? Do you feel like you are not being truly heard?

Or perhaps you are sick of people telling you how they feel without consideration to you? Or you’ve been at the unhappy end of someone else pushing for their own way, in the name of ‘telling their truth’. Perhaps you have had to deal with people who are filled with their own self entitlement and want everything perfect for themselves despite what’s going on around them (people working in the hospitality industry know this one all too well).

We are seeing more of the narcissism (excessive interest in or admiration of oneself) that leaves society struggling to work together for a common good.

So let’s have a think about what we can do.

Speak your truth – in kindness and with love for others.

Speaking our truth can mean many things. Different things for different people. Different things at different times for ourselves.

Having worked closely with people on a regular basis over the last two decades or so, I have seen a trend developing. Rightly so, we are encouraging each other to speak our truth more, to say what we need and want, to be able to stand up for ourselves, and get our feelings out.

I think this is wonderful, however another trend I have seen over the most recent decade is that when we speak our truth, we seem to be forgetting the second half of the equation – ‘in kindness and with love for others.’

This second half makes all the difference. It can mean the difference between turmoil and peace, confusion and understanding. Instead of pushing ourselves on others we engage with them. It can mean that conflict is more easily and kindly dealt with, as we seek to not only express our own needs and desires, but also understand the others in the conflict. It can mean that we actively seek resolution to problems without fear of rejection, knowing that once we understand another’s truth with kindness and in love we can come more easily to a point of moving forward.

I’m not saying everything will be easy, or indeed that speaking your truth even with kindness and love will solve all your problems, but what it does do is allow you to walk authentically. It allows you to know that you have taken care with others when expressing your needs. It allows you to understand any rejection that you might feel in a broader light. It helps you see that there is more going on than what you experience in your space, and that other people are reacting to so much more than what you see.

This doesn’t mean we should ‘over give’, or dishonour our own boundaries, or set ourselves up as false martyrs. These things are not done out of love, either for ourselves or others. They are a passive aggressive form of narcissism and we should be watchful for them in our own behaviour.

To actively adopt this approach fully may take some practice because when we step back and observe our interactions, we may be surprised at how little genuine kindness and love is actually being expressed. The upside is that we have an opportunity to be even more grateful for those interactions that express truth, kindness and love, and pursue more relationships that foster this kind of care for each other.

The choice is ours to make. We can continue to feel unheard, suffering from the fear of rejection, and feeling misunderstood, or we can stand up and be courageous to look at our self and make some positive changes that bring about better results for our life. Life is about perspective and a wise person continues to expand their outlook, opening ourselves to new possibilities, and seeking more positive outcomes from interactions with our self and others.

Speaking your truth is certainly worth pursuing and practicing at every level of your life, but always remember the second half – in kindness and with love for others.

Be Happy.
Merelyn Carter

Merelyn’s writing is supported in part by the sale of her books. Autobiography - ‘The Deepest Part of Me’.  ‘Inspire’ – inspirational reflections for your life’s journey.  ‘Stories behind the Songs’ and her first children’s picture book ‘To The Moon and Back - Grandma’s Rocket Ship Adventure’. To find out more about her work and to support her through the purchase of her writings and music, please go to www.carterandcarter.com.au