On May 6th, 2017 David and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Something we both feel pretty proud of, especially knowing that many of our friends haven’t made this marital milestone, and knowing that we shouldn’t take our relationship for granted, but continue to work at it.

When David and I married, we loved each other intensely, and the intensity of our shared love didn’t just flow between us, but also out into the universe, surrounding those close to us in its light and drawing strangers in to experience a glimpse of true joy. Sounds idealistic doesn’t it? - romantic love can lead us to spout all sorts of amazing things, the big questions are ‘do we really believe them?’ and ‘can we live up to them?’

This intense love may have first started with a feeling, but to sustain the commitment to an intended long term relationship that marriage signals, it no doubt needs to also be a choice. When the feelings come and go, the choice remains.

As this choice is made each day, the ramifications spread out into the universe and we are all strengthened and uplifted. In this strengthening and uplifting, we are reminded that we all share in the one cosmic dance and that love affects all of life for the better and that we are all one.

Marriage, like life, is a dance. If we are successful at it, it is a feeling and a choice, it is giving and receiving, a blessing to the world, a dance in communion with life itself.

As the years bring joy and hope, sadness and despair, health and sickness, beauty and aging, turmoil and peace – the dance goes on.

There have been many times, when David and I have stood on each other’s foot. And it hurt! There have been other times when we have carried the other on our own feet, supported them and helped them stand, and it was good.

There have been yet other times when the business of life has caused us to live in the choice of the relationship and hope that the feeling will come back. Fortunately for us, so far, it has. It definitely toggles between feeling and choice most of the time, but our underlying connection to each other keeps bringing us back to our commitment. Thankfully.

As we watch and often support other friends and family in their relationships, we are constantly given the opportunity to re-examine our own. Sometimes we are happy with what we re-discover, other times, we are challenged to our core and we have a decision to make again – choice or feeling?

We wrote a song on our Better Day album called Love Makes the World Go ‘Round. We’d had a huge argument and a deadline to get the song finished was upon us. Feelings were running high and not in a favourable direction and as we sat in the music room together, tired, stressed, and a bit resentful of each other, we wrote a song to re-affirm our decision that love is a choice, not just a feeling. It was a hard won song, but looking back it now, the writing of that song epitomises our every day, ongoing choice to love each other. It sets aside the romantic feeling for a time and concentrates on the decision to our commitment.

I am so grateful that I have a partner who shares the same commitment to the relationship as me. I hope it lasts for the rest of our lives, but I am acutely aware that the pressures of living may overcome us to the point where the choice may change. I’m realistic, but I am also a glass three quarters full person, and I trust that we can keep hanging it together at least another 20, 30 or 40 years! Thanks David – you are a great dance partner!


LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO ‘ROUND
Written by Merelyn Carter & David Carter

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts, it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love lifts us up when we’re down
Love makes the world go ‘round

It’s a romantic notion that love would cross an ocean
Just to see us through
It’s more than just a feeling, it’s something you believe in
It’s something you choose Yeah

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts,
it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love lifts us up when we’re down
Love makes the world go ‘round

It’s not based on fiction, it ain’t an addiction
Here’s the simple truth
There’s freedom in forgiveness, change in gratitude
And the love you give will all come back to you

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts, it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love lifts us up when we’re down
Love makes the world go ‘round

The world keeps on spinning, there’ll be losers and winners
Sunshine and rain
But when we’re gone, it’s love that carries on
It’s a never ending circle turning night into day

Love, love, love makes the world go ‘round
It’s the song in our hearts, it’s the sweetest sound
Love, love, love turns us upside down
Love makes the world go ‘round